The Best Of White People Twitter This Week

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shevyrolet
Sep 15, 2020 12:38 PM EDT

Enjoy this piping hot fresh batch of white people tweets for a hearty dose of laughter.
And here are some more funny tweets if you can't get enough.

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  • 01
    Text - Crystal Lowery Comedian @Crystalllowery My 2nd grader has 5 video meetings per day. Five. At one point he goes, "I think this one could have been an email." Sol guess he's ready for the corporate world. 06:56 · 2020-08-26 Twitter for iPhone 9 Retweets and comments 42 Likes
    via Reddit
  • 02
    Text - normal guy parody account @urvillageidiot you wake up. you're still a lizard sunning on a red rock. it was all a dream. the concept of selling "feet pics" to pay back "student loans" is already losing its meaning as you open and lick your own eyeballs to moisten them. time to eat a bug.
    via Reddit
  • 03
    Text - Alexis Gay @yayalexisgay I love how every airline is like "not to brag, but we actually clean the planes now." 11:45 AM · 08 Sep 20 · Twitter Web App
    via Reddit
  • 04
    Text - cristobal @salas_cristobal My girl posts pictures I took of her on Instagram and she gets 130+ likes. But she posts a picture of us and she gets like 40. You 40 are invited to the wedding.
    via Reddit
  • 05
    Text - Simba @Maccoul_ Taccidentally hit the language button on my remote last night and watched family guy in Spanish for 10 minutes thinking it was a weird joke
    via Reddit
  • 06
    Text - Mike Primavera @primawesome I've made a lot of mistakes in my life but the fact that I've never been invited to a gender reveal party means l've cut the right people out. >
    via Reddit
  • 07
    Text - Smoth @Skinny_fatbloke If you're best man at your mates second wedding, after being best man at the first, is it ok to start my speech with "Welcome back everyone"??
    via Reddit
  • 08
    Text - Jesse Lifson @DoYouEvenLif Aliens: "Take us to your leader." Me: "I would wait." 3:12 PM · 9/12/20 · Twitter for iPhone
    via Reddit
  • 09
    Text - Davie @DavidLeeroa How to get your girlfriends attention iMessage Today 2:02 PM Hey, what was that show ur dad was telling us about The time travel one My ex stopped by my work today What did she want? She wanted to know what that show your dad was telling us about was called Read 2:12 PM
    via Reddit
  • 10
    Text - caitlin @hello_caitlin Ok I'm stoned but this seems like a good idea: what if there was an app that both you and your partner have where you both swipe right or left on movies that are on your streaming services and when you find a match it lets you know 11:06 PM · 9/10/20 · Twitter for iPhone 28.3K Retweets 3,195 Quote Tweets 397K Likes
    via Reddit
  • 11
    Text - extremwly smart genius @punished_picnic here's the problem with fruit: it's inconsistent. some apples are delicious, some taste bad. sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. you know what's the same every time? doritos
    via Reddit
  • 12
    Text - Baked Potato @TrueTorontoGirl Just watched 3 people jogging outside and it has inspired me to get up and close the blinds.
    via Reddit
  • 13
    Text - Justin Shanes Follow @justinshanes Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.
    via Reddit
  • 14
    Terrestrial animal - This pup couldn't hack it as a drug- sniffing dog, so now, he sniffs out the poop of elusive animals in the name of conservation cnn.it/2TGE3YF @will_ent Matt Buechele @mattbooshell all i read was: cool dog isn't a narc, becomes scientist
    via Reddit
  • 15
    Text - Shania Twain @Gutter_Spice "After this is all over" was a fun sentence to say back in April
    via Reddit
  • 16
    Text - Amy Sowerby @amysowerby My boyfriend was explaining to me how its nice to be with me as l'm so easy to keep happy. Enjoying the positive comments I asked him to elaborate, he says well all you need is to sleep well, eat lots and go for nice walks, to which I suddenly realised I am a golden retriever
    via Reddit
  • 17
    Text - Sean Mitchell @Sean_Mitchell One time I was late to practice and coach made me run laps. My dad was the coach. And he drove me to practice.
    via Reddit
  • 18
    Text - sara mchenry @yellowcardigan My therapist: <laughs at a joke I said> Me (to myself): This is great. I'm going to get a good grade in therapy, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,
    via Reddit
  • 19
    Text - @acidkawhi bitch you mean food???? elijah @fakeleny - 1d has anyone tried making edibles but without weed? like virgin edibles or something 6:45 PM 2020-09-11 Twitter for iPhone
    via Reddit

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